Zack and I are in a small group at church and we are reading the book "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I'll admit that I thought my life was headed in the right direction but it turns out I still have A LOT to learn in the department. Warren asks some really good questions, but he does it in a way that I haven't gotten use to yet...meaning that its not written in the way I thought it would be. It doesn't appeal to my emotions; in fact it doesn't really appeal at all it just lays down the facts as given by God in the bible. We started reading the book 2 weeks ago tomorrow perfect timing I'd say as you'll see in my next post.
More posts to come on Purpose Driven
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Born to be a drummer
I'm back on a worship team
Playing my drum--a djembe (jim-bay),
Its easy to forget
How much I like being on a worship team.
I don't think its so much that I love to perform,
Because I don't like to be up on stage...
With people watching me.
But as with any human
I love to hear "that was great" or
"Thanks for playing; it sounded good"
And lately I've been thinking
(I'm) Born to be a drummer
And then this morning
I realized what I really meant
The reason I love being on a worship team so much
Why when I play
I feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do
Because I truly was--
My purpose, my reason for being
Is to worship God
Its not that I was born to be a drummer
Although I may have natural talent
God created me and
I was meant to worship Him
So thank you Lord for
Making me a drummer
For giving me the privilege
of worshiping You
May all I do
Truly praise You
EAR
Playing my drum--a djembe (jim-bay),
Its easy to forget
How much I like being on a worship team.
I don't think its so much that I love to perform,
Because I don't like to be up on stage...
With people watching me.
But as with any human
I love to hear "that was great" or
"Thanks for playing; it sounded good"
And lately I've been thinking
(I'm) Born to be a drummer
And then this morning
I realized what I really meant
The reason I love being on a worship team so much
Why when I play
I feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do
Because I truly was--
My purpose, my reason for being
Is to worship God
Its not that I was born to be a drummer
Although I may have natural talent
God created me and
I was meant to worship Him
So thank you Lord for
Making me a drummer
For giving me the privilege
of worshiping You
May all I do
Truly praise You
EAR
Thursday, February 14, 2008
"The Sacred Romance"
I've just started reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. The first thing they talk about is the lost life of our hearts. I'm only a chapter and a half in and already I feel like its something I've needed. I have this thing in me that wants more. I'm not sure what more looks like but I want more. I have some ideas of what I think more looks like but I'm fairly certain it is a small dream coming from my small perspective and I am waiting to see what God has in store. At the same time I know I need to be content here where I am at. Its hard though.
One of the things I'm realizing is how lonely I am. And I feel like I've had these moments where I've had potential friendship in my hands and then its gone with nothing I can do about it. And all I can think is that God keeps stripping things from me in order that I might see Him more clearly. I am on this long journey, but the road I'm walking on is muddy and my feet get stuck and I have to pause and use all my energy to pull myself out. I want to run to the finish line but there is so much to slow me down. I try to think and analyze the thoughts in my head; who is that talking? Is that me or my foolish pride or the Holy Spirit or my parents. Who is that talking? And I feel like if only I could figure it out. If only I could discern God's voice from the rest. Then maybe I wouldn't be stuck in the mud or going in circles or whatever else I'm doing. At this point the road is muddy and its rough, but I have hope. I know that God will finish what He started. That so long as I keep my head and heart looking in the right direction I'll get where I'm headed. He will be my guide and I will be his child.
One of the things I'm realizing is how lonely I am. And I feel like I've had these moments where I've had potential friendship in my hands and then its gone with nothing I can do about it. And all I can think is that God keeps stripping things from me in order that I might see Him more clearly. I am on this long journey, but the road I'm walking on is muddy and my feet get stuck and I have to pause and use all my energy to pull myself out. I want to run to the finish line but there is so much to slow me down. I try to think and analyze the thoughts in my head; who is that talking? Is that me or my foolish pride or the Holy Spirit or my parents. Who is that talking? And I feel like if only I could figure it out. If only I could discern God's voice from the rest. Then maybe I wouldn't be stuck in the mud or going in circles or whatever else I'm doing. At this point the road is muddy and its rough, but I have hope. I know that God will finish what He started. That so long as I keep my head and heart looking in the right direction I'll get where I'm headed. He will be my guide and I will be his child.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Vacation
Peter and I just got back Monday night from a week long vacation at my parents ranch in Wyoming. It was really great. I have not been to the ranch for that long in quite a while. We didn't have an agenda it was just time to spend with my family. The only thing missing was my husband. One of the highlights of the trip was holding and playing with my niece Hannah. She is adorable. It took her a while to warm up to me. Papa, Hannah, Peter and I were all in the feed pickup and Hannah really wanted to sit on Papa's lap. Papa was driving so there was no room for her. She finally decided my lap would do and I got to hold her :) I always knew I wanted a baby girl but never so much as when I'm around her. I know how close I am to my mom and how much fun I have with Mom that I crave a similar mother daughter relationship. I really hope that my brother and sister-in-law (and Hannah of course) can come visit us in WA soon. My sister-in-law and hubby get along well and my relationship with my brother continues to get better and better each time we get to spend time together. All in all it was a really great vacation, and a much needed one at that. I left super stressed, mostly about work and came back relaxed.
The only bad part was Peter and I's drive back to WA. My uncle gave us a car and so Peter and I took off Saturday morning planning on being in WA on Sunday night. We spent Saturday night in Missoula, Mt and after buying new windshield wipers we started out great the next day. We had only gone about 75 miles when the traffic going over the pass got slower and slower until it stopped completely. The roads were pretty slick and at least 1 semi had gotten stuck; one semi was sideways across the whole interstate. The traffic ended up being backed up about 20 miles for 5+ hours. Needless to say it was a long day and we only managed to make it about 100 miles the whole day. Everyone finally got unstuck and the traffic started moving but it wasn't long after that when I gave up on the bad roads and snow and found a McDonalds and a motel room. Added into all this were 3 tires that kinda needed replaced and 1 with very little traction left. I got stuff in the middle of the street in Kellogg MT twice. (I bought 2 need tires the next morning before I got back on the road). We finally arrived home late Monday afternoon. Peter is a super traveler. He did fantastic up until mid-day Monday but after 2 and a half days in the car I couldn't blame him for a little crabbiness.
Hooray for Friday's, praise the Lord for Saturdays and thank you Jesus for giving us a day of rest.
The only bad part was Peter and I's drive back to WA. My uncle gave us a car and so Peter and I took off Saturday morning planning on being in WA on Sunday night. We spent Saturday night in Missoula, Mt and after buying new windshield wipers we started out great the next day. We had only gone about 75 miles when the traffic going over the pass got slower and slower until it stopped completely. The roads were pretty slick and at least 1 semi had gotten stuck; one semi was sideways across the whole interstate. The traffic ended up being backed up about 20 miles for 5+ hours. Needless to say it was a long day and we only managed to make it about 100 miles the whole day. Everyone finally got unstuck and the traffic started moving but it wasn't long after that when I gave up on the bad roads and snow and found a McDonalds and a motel room. Added into all this were 3 tires that kinda needed replaced and 1 with very little traction left. I got stuff in the middle of the street in Kellogg MT twice. (I bought 2 need tires the next morning before I got back on the road). We finally arrived home late Monday afternoon. Peter is a super traveler. He did fantastic up until mid-day Monday but after 2 and a half days in the car I couldn't blame him for a little crabbiness.
Hooray for Friday's, praise the Lord for Saturdays and thank you Jesus for giving us a day of rest.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
"Parenting by the Book"
I'm reading a book called "Parenting by the Book" by John Rosemond 'the book' meaning the Bible. It is really good, although I must admit that this is probably the first parenting book that I've started reading and honestly think I will finish it. It talks about how starting in the 50s or so the place to go to for advice changed. So instead of asking 'Grandma' you asked a Psychologist or as Rosemond calls them, people with letters behind their name. It goes on to talk about the theories of postmodern psychology and what he calls PPP Postmodern Psychological Parenting. What has stood out the most to me so far is his discussion on high self-esteem. The most popular theory currently (at least in the US) is that you need to make sure your kids have high self-esteem (HSE). So now the goal is HSE; it used to be to raise a good citizen. What this means that instead of spending time teaching your child good manners at a very early age, we are trying to make sure our kids know their letters and colors and numbers as soon as possible. We want them to have a head start in kindergarten. They need to be good at something in order to succeed and feel good about themselves. Instead of kids coming home from school and doing chores for the family they are involved in a multitude of after school activities. Mostly with the idea to teach them skills, make them feel good about themselves and to excel at something. Rosemond breaks down HSE esteem a synonym for worship basically worshiping one's self highly. I can think of a lot of words that description brings to mind and none of them are positive. We need self-respect not self-esteem. HSE makes us think we deserve a lot of stuff, after all we are super important and from the time we were little people (parents) have been bending over backwards to make sure we are happy and successful. The affects of HSE can be seen just about everywhere you are around people of my generation. We don't think we have to work very hard, we deserve a good paying job with a nice and laid back boss.
So while 'Grandma' is teaching her children good manners and how to help around the house, the PPP parents are buying their toddlers all sorts of teaching toys and then every after school activity they can. 'Grandma' teaches 3 things Respect, Responsibility and Resourcefulness. Now say you are a teacher or a manager looking for a team member would you choose the kid of average intelligence, that respects your authority, is a good worker and resourceful or would you choose the genius who has won several awards in your field but has a bad attitude (remember this will probably make him late for work half of the time).
Through all of these I've come to realize how wonderful my parents are. They did an amazing job of teaching me the 3 R's Respect (for everyone), Responsibility, and Resourcefulness. It also makes me realize that I too have fallen prey to the PPP. I have gauged my worth as a parent on the skills of my child, I've been proud when people think Peter's adorable and felt like a bad parent when he misbehaves in the grocery store.
Now I have to act and really the first thing to do is realize that parenting is a equally joint task and before making important or even not so important decisions about Peter and discipline and such I need to remember Zack and i are in this together and only together can we be the best parents we can be.
Secondly how do I pass on these 3 R's to Peter.
Thirdly how to I share these ideas with other parents and parents-to-be and caretakers and and and the list goes on.
And now I must go to bed as my eyes are beginning to blur and my eye lids to droop.
I'm out
So while 'Grandma' is teaching her children good manners and how to help around the house, the PPP parents are buying their toddlers all sorts of teaching toys and then every after school activity they can. 'Grandma' teaches 3 things Respect, Responsibility and Resourcefulness. Now say you are a teacher or a manager looking for a team member would you choose the kid of average intelligence, that respects your authority, is a good worker and resourceful or would you choose the genius who has won several awards in your field but has a bad attitude (remember this will probably make him late for work half of the time).
Through all of these I've come to realize how wonderful my parents are. They did an amazing job of teaching me the 3 R's Respect (for everyone), Responsibility, and Resourcefulness. It also makes me realize that I too have fallen prey to the PPP. I have gauged my worth as a parent on the skills of my child, I've been proud when people think Peter's adorable and felt like a bad parent when he misbehaves in the grocery store.
Now I have to act and really the first thing to do is realize that parenting is a equally joint task and before making important or even not so important decisions about Peter and discipline and such I need to remember Zack and i are in this together and only together can we be the best parents we can be.
Secondly how do I pass on these 3 R's to Peter.
Thirdly how to I share these ideas with other parents and parents-to-be and caretakers and and and the list goes on.
And now I must go to bed as my eyes are beginning to blur and my eye lids to droop.
I'm out
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Responsible (in 4 parts)
Act 1 (enter Elizabeth late at night)
So i realized tonight that i have this built in responsibleness. Doesn't matter how i feel that night or that morning when the alarm goes off. I get up and go to work. I might hit the alarm a few times but i'll go to work. I'll go and smile and be nice and friendly and sit at my desk and do my work. Now this might sound like a really good trait. But in some cases or some days it just feels like i'm being cheated (if its out of something i'm not sure). It doesn't matter how broken i feel inside or how sad or lonely or depressed i feel i still pretend or act like everything is fine, my life is great and sure everything isn't perfect but life hardly ever is right so yeah on i go being responsible, dependable and strong.
But i just don't feel that way all the time. I feel hopeless some days. Like today, today seems like a day to be happy. I had another conversation about Christianity and Christ and faith with a co-worker today, i got to read a good book, i got to spend some time with my hubby. i should be in bed sleeping contentedly not only because i'm sleep deprived but because all in all it was a good day.
My life's not horrible right now I've got some really good things going for me. I should just be happy where i'm at. But i feel like i'm living a luke warm life in a lot of ways.
Act 2 (enter battling thoughts)
So there are many warring thought within me. I'll list them for you.
1. I've supposed to be content where i am.
2. Get over it the world doesn't revolve around me.
3.Saying all this will make the people around me feel insufficient but really i don't think it has anything to do with them.
I just think its me.
4. But i'm not that special so i need get over to get over myself.
Act 3 (enter awareness of God)
And then, the solution that i know in my heart, which in the end i always come back to is there.
Christ can be my all, can be my everything but only if i let Him. And the synical part of me is like of course this is the answer. But you don't really want to take it, which is just dumb. But i'm always going in the same circle. I'm with God and walking with him on a daily basis and then i drift away. And then i get hopeless and depressed and find my way back to Him. And He accepts me and forgives me and welcomes me and comforts me. But then after a while i drift away again and then i get to the bottom of the pit and then i reach again for the light. And the cycle continues. Only i never feel like i make any head way. I've always trodding in the same path. And even though i know its not all about me--that the world is a much bigger place and i'm just a servant of God--it feels all about me. After all this cycle that i'm in where does it go; me, God, me, God, me, God, me, God. Is there every anyone else in the picture anyone i lift up or do i just drag down.
Act 4 (exit Satan)
This is a really depressing post. So i think we're done now. And i may not be a shining star but at least i'm not throwing myself a pity party any more. Ha so there Satan take that.
The End
So i realized tonight that i have this built in responsibleness. Doesn't matter how i feel that night or that morning when the alarm goes off. I get up and go to work. I might hit the alarm a few times but i'll go to work. I'll go and smile and be nice and friendly and sit at my desk and do my work. Now this might sound like a really good trait. But in some cases or some days it just feels like i'm being cheated (if its out of something i'm not sure). It doesn't matter how broken i feel inside or how sad or lonely or depressed i feel i still pretend or act like everything is fine, my life is great and sure everything isn't perfect but life hardly ever is right so yeah on i go being responsible, dependable and strong.
But i just don't feel that way all the time. I feel hopeless some days. Like today, today seems like a day to be happy. I had another conversation about Christianity and Christ and faith with a co-worker today, i got to read a good book, i got to spend some time with my hubby. i should be in bed sleeping contentedly not only because i'm sleep deprived but because all in all it was a good day.
My life's not horrible right now I've got some really good things going for me. I should just be happy where i'm at. But i feel like i'm living a luke warm life in a lot of ways.
Act 2 (enter battling thoughts)
So there are many warring thought within me. I'll list them for you.
1. I've supposed to be content where i am.
2. Get over it the world doesn't revolve around me.
3.Saying all this will make the people around me feel insufficient but really i don't think it has anything to do with them.
I just think its me.
4. But i'm not that special so i need get over to get over myself.
Act 3 (enter awareness of God)
And then, the solution that i know in my heart, which in the end i always come back to is there.
Christ can be my all, can be my everything but only if i let Him. And the synical part of me is like of course this is the answer. But you don't really want to take it, which is just dumb. But i'm always going in the same circle. I'm with God and walking with him on a daily basis and then i drift away. And then i get hopeless and depressed and find my way back to Him. And He accepts me and forgives me and welcomes me and comforts me. But then after a while i drift away again and then i get to the bottom of the pit and then i reach again for the light. And the cycle continues. Only i never feel like i make any head way. I've always trodding in the same path. And even though i know its not all about me--that the world is a much bigger place and i'm just a servant of God--it feels all about me. After all this cycle that i'm in where does it go; me, God, me, God, me, God, me, God. Is there every anyone else in the picture anyone i lift up or do i just drag down.
Act 4 (exit Satan)
This is a really depressing post. So i think we're done now. And i may not be a shining star but at least i'm not throwing myself a pity party any more. Ha so there Satan take that.
The End
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Busy and more Busy
I haven't post anything in quite a while. I don't seem to have much time to myself, even more so then before. I am now working on average 3 hours of overtime a week, which might not seem that much but when you add in the extra commute time because I leave work at a busier traffic time it adds up. Since June 4th I've trained 4 new people, one I had to let go over after only a week because it wasn't working out. Training people takes so much time and on top of training, then I have to answer questions and check their work and do my work. In a two week time I worked almost 12 hours of overtime. Needless to say the rest of my life is suffering and I need to do something to fix it.
On the plus side Zack accepted a teaching position today in Federal Way. He is super excited. And we will be moving north at the end of summer/beginning of fall. Hooray for a shorter commute time.
All in all I feel like I've been living on God's grace and hope for the future. And the highlight of my days are hugging and kissing Peter and telling him how much I love him...and being amazed at how much I absolutely adore him. And being thankful I have a husband that cooks dinner and even cleans up most days.
On the plus side Zack accepted a teaching position today in Federal Way. He is super excited. And we will be moving north at the end of summer/beginning of fall. Hooray for a shorter commute time.
All in all I feel like I've been living on God's grace and hope for the future. And the highlight of my days are hugging and kissing Peter and telling him how much I love him...and being amazed at how much I absolutely adore him. And being thankful I have a husband that cooks dinner and even cleans up most days.
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