Zack and I will celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary on Sunday. I've been thinking on it for awhile. Its amazing to me all that has happened in those 5 years and how quickly the time has gone by. When I got married I had a vision or what I thought was a vision for Zack and I's life. Our life certainly does not look like what I pictured. I'm glad it doesn't. If everything we planned or pictured happened exactly that way how boring life would be and how little we would learn.
Much of what I have learned can't be described, but one thing God has been constantly teaching me is what trusting Him means. Trusting God is in very few ways easy for me (as I'm sure is the case with most everyone). Some use the phrase 'trust God' as a single statement that covers everything. But lately I've been realizing that trusting God is very similar to surrendering to Him; in fact, I think if you surrender everything/every part of you to Him then you trust Him. I've surrendered myself to Him many times in many ways and have to continue to do so daily. After my sister died I had to learn to surrender the rest of my family to Him and trust that He knows best. After we had Peter I had to learn to surrender Peter and entrust Peter to God. It has just been fairly recently that I've learned how to surrender and surrender completely my marriage to Him and surrender my 'plans' for my family to God. I have to trust that God has a plan not only for my life but for Zack and I as a couple and for us as a family. And I have to trust that that plan is a good one; meaning it will bring Him glory even when I can't imagine my life at the moment being glorious to anyone let alone the Creator of the universe.
Only when I trust that God is working in my life, that He has a plan and is fulfilling that plan can I be content where I am at. I have to surrender my ideas and everything else to the One who knows all and who loves me and my family more than I can imagine.
My prayer is that as I continue to live my life that I would remember how beautiful my Lord really is and how today I stand in awe of Him for all that He is and all that He has done.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Job searching...
Not fun. Job searching is not fun at all. Repeat this twice.
Something else that's not fun: last night Peter said, "My throat hurts, its gonna pop out, its gonna pop out." I finally translated that into....I'm going to throw-up. I was holding him on my lap reading a book and got up and carried him to the bathroom book and all. We made it to the bathroom in time although I still had a huge mess to cleanup....suffice it to say whole toilet and surrounding area is now sparkling clean.
Something else that's not fun: last night Peter said, "My throat hurts, its gonna pop out, its gonna pop out." I finally translated that into....I'm going to throw-up. I was holding him on my lap reading a book and got up and carried him to the bathroom book and all. We made it to the bathroom in time although I still had a huge mess to cleanup....suffice it to say whole toilet and surrounding area is now sparkling clean.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Ex-Employee
So the story begins 3 or so months ago when I learned that the project my team at Un-named Company was working on was ending/changing sooner then planned...and that it was over budget. My whole Data Quality (DQ) team (me included) were covered under this budget. So there was a few tense weeks as they decided what to do with the DQ team. They finally decided to keep us around as long as originally planned (Jun 1st). Now for a little background I was hired as a DQ temp before the project but I was moved to the project when DQ was eliminated from the business side of things...not that any of that really matters anymore.
Last Thursday I got a phone call from my supervisor and when I got to her office our HR person was also there...but I was a little slow and it took a min or so for me to get that I was losing my job. And after that, I had to go round up my team so they could be told too. Needless to say it was a shock to me. Data Quality or at least some of my job functions are necessary for the business so I never really thought they would get rid of DQ complete (read get rid of me). My team's last day was thursday. I went back on Friday to try and leave DQ in as good a place as I could so the next person could pick it up whenever they bring Data Quality back and whoever fills in in the mean time.
Some things I've learned through working for Un-named Company and leaving Un-named Company:
I love Data Quality
I'm a data geek
I'm capable of more than I thought I was
I can manage a team of people
I can have a professional relationship with people that are completely different from me
Working moms are still moms
Some things that I've re-learned while working at unsaid company
God is in control
Being joyful is a choice
Trusting God is a daily and sometimes hourly choice
Putting people in boxes is usually only helpful for the first 5 mins that you meet them
Last Thursday I got a phone call from my supervisor and when I got to her office our HR person was also there...but I was a little slow and it took a min or so for me to get that I was losing my job. And after that, I had to go round up my team so they could be told too. Needless to say it was a shock to me. Data Quality or at least some of my job functions are necessary for the business so I never really thought they would get rid of DQ complete (read get rid of me). My team's last day was thursday. I went back on Friday to try and leave DQ in as good a place as I could so the next person could pick it up whenever they bring Data Quality back and whoever fills in in the mean time.
Some things I've learned through working for Un-named Company and leaving Un-named Company:
I love Data Quality
I'm a data geek
I'm capable of more than I thought I was
I can manage a team of people
I can have a professional relationship with people that are completely different from me
Working moms are still moms
Some things that I've re-learned while working at unsaid company
God is in control
Being joyful is a choice
Trusting God is a daily and sometimes hourly choice
Putting people in boxes is usually only helpful for the first 5 mins that you meet them
Purpose Driven Life
Zack and I are in a small group at church and we are reading the book "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I'll admit that I thought my life was headed in the right direction but it turns out I still have A LOT to learn in the department. Warren asks some really good questions, but he does it in a way that I haven't gotten use to yet...meaning that its not written in the way I thought it would be. It doesn't appeal to my emotions; in fact it doesn't really appeal at all it just lays down the facts as given by God in the bible. We started reading the book 2 weeks ago tomorrow perfect timing I'd say as you'll see in my next post.
More posts to come on Purpose Driven
More posts to come on Purpose Driven
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Born to be a drummer
I'm back on a worship team
Playing my drum--a djembe (jim-bay),
Its easy to forget
How much I like being on a worship team.
I don't think its so much that I love to perform,
Because I don't like to be up on stage...
With people watching me.
But as with any human
I love to hear "that was great" or
"Thanks for playing; it sounded good"
And lately I've been thinking
(I'm) Born to be a drummer
And then this morning
I realized what I really meant
The reason I love being on a worship team so much
Why when I play
I feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do
Because I truly was--
My purpose, my reason for being
Is to worship God
Its not that I was born to be a drummer
Although I may have natural talent
God created me and
I was meant to worship Him
So thank you Lord for
Making me a drummer
For giving me the privilege
of worshiping You
May all I do
Truly praise You
EAR
Playing my drum--a djembe (jim-bay),
Its easy to forget
How much I like being on a worship team.
I don't think its so much that I love to perform,
Because I don't like to be up on stage...
With people watching me.
But as with any human
I love to hear "that was great" or
"Thanks for playing; it sounded good"
And lately I've been thinking
(I'm) Born to be a drummer
And then this morning
I realized what I really meant
The reason I love being on a worship team so much
Why when I play
I feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do
Because I truly was--
My purpose, my reason for being
Is to worship God
Its not that I was born to be a drummer
Although I may have natural talent
God created me and
I was meant to worship Him
So thank you Lord for
Making me a drummer
For giving me the privilege
of worshiping You
May all I do
Truly praise You
EAR
Thursday, February 14, 2008
"The Sacred Romance"
I've just started reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. The first thing they talk about is the lost life of our hearts. I'm only a chapter and a half in and already I feel like its something I've needed. I have this thing in me that wants more. I'm not sure what more looks like but I want more. I have some ideas of what I think more looks like but I'm fairly certain it is a small dream coming from my small perspective and I am waiting to see what God has in store. At the same time I know I need to be content here where I am at. Its hard though.
One of the things I'm realizing is how lonely I am. And I feel like I've had these moments where I've had potential friendship in my hands and then its gone with nothing I can do about it. And all I can think is that God keeps stripping things from me in order that I might see Him more clearly. I am on this long journey, but the road I'm walking on is muddy and my feet get stuck and I have to pause and use all my energy to pull myself out. I want to run to the finish line but there is so much to slow me down. I try to think and analyze the thoughts in my head; who is that talking? Is that me or my foolish pride or the Holy Spirit or my parents. Who is that talking? And I feel like if only I could figure it out. If only I could discern God's voice from the rest. Then maybe I wouldn't be stuck in the mud or going in circles or whatever else I'm doing. At this point the road is muddy and its rough, but I have hope. I know that God will finish what He started. That so long as I keep my head and heart looking in the right direction I'll get where I'm headed. He will be my guide and I will be his child.
One of the things I'm realizing is how lonely I am. And I feel like I've had these moments where I've had potential friendship in my hands and then its gone with nothing I can do about it. And all I can think is that God keeps stripping things from me in order that I might see Him more clearly. I am on this long journey, but the road I'm walking on is muddy and my feet get stuck and I have to pause and use all my energy to pull myself out. I want to run to the finish line but there is so much to slow me down. I try to think and analyze the thoughts in my head; who is that talking? Is that me or my foolish pride or the Holy Spirit or my parents. Who is that talking? And I feel like if only I could figure it out. If only I could discern God's voice from the rest. Then maybe I wouldn't be stuck in the mud or going in circles or whatever else I'm doing. At this point the road is muddy and its rough, but I have hope. I know that God will finish what He started. That so long as I keep my head and heart looking in the right direction I'll get where I'm headed. He will be my guide and I will be his child.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Vacation
Peter and I just got back Monday night from a week long vacation at my parents ranch in Wyoming. It was really great. I have not been to the ranch for that long in quite a while. We didn't have an agenda it was just time to spend with my family. The only thing missing was my husband. One of the highlights of the trip was holding and playing with my niece Hannah. She is adorable. It took her a while to warm up to me. Papa, Hannah, Peter and I were all in the feed pickup and Hannah really wanted to sit on Papa's lap. Papa was driving so there was no room for her. She finally decided my lap would do and I got to hold her :) I always knew I wanted a baby girl but never so much as when I'm around her. I know how close I am to my mom and how much fun I have with Mom that I crave a similar mother daughter relationship. I really hope that my brother and sister-in-law (and Hannah of course) can come visit us in WA soon. My sister-in-law and hubby get along well and my relationship with my brother continues to get better and better each time we get to spend time together. All in all it was a really great vacation, and a much needed one at that. I left super stressed, mostly about work and came back relaxed.
The only bad part was Peter and I's drive back to WA. My uncle gave us a car and so Peter and I took off Saturday morning planning on being in WA on Sunday night. We spent Saturday night in Missoula, Mt and after buying new windshield wipers we started out great the next day. We had only gone about 75 miles when the traffic going over the pass got slower and slower until it stopped completely. The roads were pretty slick and at least 1 semi had gotten stuck; one semi was sideways across the whole interstate. The traffic ended up being backed up about 20 miles for 5+ hours. Needless to say it was a long day and we only managed to make it about 100 miles the whole day. Everyone finally got unstuck and the traffic started moving but it wasn't long after that when I gave up on the bad roads and snow and found a McDonalds and a motel room. Added into all this were 3 tires that kinda needed replaced and 1 with very little traction left. I got stuff in the middle of the street in Kellogg MT twice. (I bought 2 need tires the next morning before I got back on the road). We finally arrived home late Monday afternoon. Peter is a super traveler. He did fantastic up until mid-day Monday but after 2 and a half days in the car I couldn't blame him for a little crabbiness.
Hooray for Friday's, praise the Lord for Saturdays and thank you Jesus for giving us a day of rest.
The only bad part was Peter and I's drive back to WA. My uncle gave us a car and so Peter and I took off Saturday morning planning on being in WA on Sunday night. We spent Saturday night in Missoula, Mt and after buying new windshield wipers we started out great the next day. We had only gone about 75 miles when the traffic going over the pass got slower and slower until it stopped completely. The roads were pretty slick and at least 1 semi had gotten stuck; one semi was sideways across the whole interstate. The traffic ended up being backed up about 20 miles for 5+ hours. Needless to say it was a long day and we only managed to make it about 100 miles the whole day. Everyone finally got unstuck and the traffic started moving but it wasn't long after that when I gave up on the bad roads and snow and found a McDonalds and a motel room. Added into all this were 3 tires that kinda needed replaced and 1 with very little traction left. I got stuff in the middle of the street in Kellogg MT twice. (I bought 2 need tires the next morning before I got back on the road). We finally arrived home late Monday afternoon. Peter is a super traveler. He did fantastic up until mid-day Monday but after 2 and a half days in the car I couldn't blame him for a little crabbiness.
Hooray for Friday's, praise the Lord for Saturdays and thank you Jesus for giving us a day of rest.
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