"The Sacred Romance"

I've just started reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. The first thing they talk about is the lost life of our hearts. I'm only a chapter and a half in and already I feel like its something I've needed. I have this thing in me that wants more. I'm not sure what more looks like but I want more. I have some ideas of what I think more looks like but I'm fairly certain it is a small dream coming from my small perspective and I am waiting to see what God has in store. At the same time I know I need to be content here where I am at. Its hard though.

One of the things I'm realizing is how lonely I am. And I feel like I've had these moments where I've had potential friendship in my hands and then its gone with nothing I can do about it. And all I can think is that God keeps stripping things from me in order that I might see Him more clearly. I am on this long journey, but the road I'm walking on is muddy and my feet get stuck and I have to pause and use all my energy to pull myself out. I want to run to the finish line but there is so much to slow me down. I try to think and analyze the thoughts in my head; who is that talking? Is that me or my foolish pride or the Holy Spirit or my parents. Who is that talking? And I feel like if only I could figure it out. If only I could discern God's voice from the rest. Then maybe I wouldn't be stuck in the mud or going in circles or whatever else I'm doing. At this point the road is muddy and its rough, but I have hope. I know that God will finish what He started. That so long as I keep my head and heart looking in the right direction I'll get where I'm headed. He will be my guide and I will be his child.

Vacation

Peter and I just got back Monday night from a week long vacation at my parents ranch in Wyoming. It was really great. I have not been to the ranch for that long in quite a while. We didn't have an agenda it was just time to spend with my family. The only thing missing was my husband. One of the highlights of the trip was holding and playing with my niece Hannah. She is adorable. It took her a while to warm up to me. Papa, Hannah, Peter and I were all in the feed pickup and Hannah really wanted to sit on Papa's lap. Papa was driving so there was no room for her. She finally decided my lap would do and I got to hold her :) I always knew I wanted a baby girl but never so much as when I'm around her. I know how close I am to my mom and how much fun I have with Mom that I crave a similar mother daughter relationship. I really hope that my brother and sister-in-law (and Hannah of course) can come visit us in WA soon. My sister-in-law and hubby get along well and my relationship with my brother continues to get better and better each time we get to spend time together. All in all it was a really great vacation, and a much needed one at that. I left super stressed, mostly about work and came back relaxed.

The only bad part was Peter and I's drive back to WA. My uncle gave us a car and so Peter and I took off Saturday morning planning on being in WA on Sunday night. We spent Saturday night in Missoula, Mt and after buying new windshield wipers we started out great the next day. We had only gone about 75 miles when the traffic going over the pass got slower and slower until it stopped completely. The roads were pretty slick and at least 1 semi had gotten stuck; one semi was sideways across the whole interstate. The traffic ended up being backed up about 20 miles for 5+ hours. Needless to say it was a long day and we only managed to make it about 100 miles the whole day. Everyone finally got unstuck and the traffic started moving but it wasn't long after that when I gave up on the bad roads and snow and found a McDonalds and a motel room. Added into all this were 3 tires that kinda needed replaced and 1 with very little traction left. I got stuff in the middle of the street in Kellogg MT twice. (I bought 2 need tires the next morning before I got back on the road). We finally arrived home late Monday afternoon. Peter is a super traveler. He did fantastic up until mid-day Monday but after 2 and a half days in the car I couldn't blame him for a little crabbiness.

Hooray for Friday's, praise the Lord for Saturdays and thank you Jesus for giving us a day of rest.