Grief

One thing I have learned and am continually surprised by is that grief comes in unexpected times, unexpected ways and unexpected intensity. It has been over 7 years since my sister Erin died and yet last night I was crying as if it was just last week. To back up a bit I've been thinking about Erin more than usual lately. And then a cousin of mine recently got married. She and my sister had become friends after the cousin moved to Douglas. They were only a year apart in school. It seems so weird to me that my cousin is old enough to be getting married. That is partly because I don't see my cousins very often anymore, maybe once a year. But the bigger part is that my sister was 19 when she died. She will always be 19 to me and consequently my cousin should be younger than that. And not old enough to get married. My sister will never get married, never meet my children, never be there on Christmas morning and the list goes on.

But I know that grief is a process and I don't expect to ever stop missing my sister and so it must be a life long process.

Last night one thing I was remembering is how fun it could be to fight with her. It's not fun to fight with my old sister or brother, but it was fun to fight with Erin. It might be that we were closer in age and shared a room for so long; I'm not sure why. We would get mad but it wouldn't be long before we were laughing and hugging. And fights at night always ended with a game of thumb war me hanging my arm down from the top bunk and her reaching up. Thumb war is more fun in the dark when you can't see or aren't looking.

The other thing I've learned about grief is that you can hold it in (sometimes), but eventually it will all come out anyway (and it might be uglier if you hold it in) so its best to let yourself grieve naturally when your heart says to.

Reduction in Force take 2

So back in May of 2008 my Data Quality Team and myself were let go from Corbis. And because we were temps we didn't get any notice. It was a Thursday, May 1 to be exact. I came back on Friday to wrap things up as much as possible. It was not a shock that they didn't keep the team, but it was a shock that they didn't keep me and that we didn't get any notice. Fast forward 2 years minus 1 day to April 30th, last friday. I had an 8 am meeting that my boss told me about on Thursday afternoon. When I got to his office we immediately went to his bosses office. (UhOhh this can't be good I'm thinking). And it wasn't really. Due to lack of revenue the advertising department cut 4 jobs; mine being one of them. I worked at Corbis for almost 2 years and my team/position got eliminated. I have worked at The Times for almost 2 years and what do ya know my job/position got eliminated again. Although this time with 5 weeks notice and 2 weeks severance.

Now there is plenty of back story to how I took this news I'll try to make a long story as short.

I'd been looking for another job on and off for the past 6-9 months, the last 3 were focused around finding a nanny job. Between my health being less than helpful and not finding another familly to nanny for I decided the nanny thing wouldn't work. Soon after that I gave up on the elimination diet and my stress level dropped in some other ways also and consequently my health has been some better. Now about 3 weeks ago I decided I was going to give my current job 100% and stick with it. And I decided to start a sewing business on the side with the goal of building up my clientele so that at some point I could do full time sewing and maybe have a second child.

Also 4 weeks ago or so I was having a really hard time spiritually and emotionally. But after lots of time talking to God I've surrendered more to Him and am doing lots better. Our Fruit of the Spirit sermon series at church was very helpful also.

So when I they told me about my job and last day... I was totally ok. God has something more/differnt in store, thats the first thing I thought. And I'm 99% sure part of it is a sewing business. Now I'm not dwelling or at least trying/prayer hard not too dwell on the money issue. I'm just trusting God has a plan.

So need any pants hemmed? Or clothing altered?