Playing "kitchen" at the supper table

So Peter and I were eating supper (dinner) tonight just the two of us and the conversation went something like this...
Peter- "how about we play a game while we are eating."
Mom-"um..."
Peter-"let's play kitchen you be the cooker and I will sit and the table and be the taster. You have 2 minutes now go"
Mom-"two minutes that not very long"
Peter-"oh you already made it" (and he takes a bite of the chicken soup/stew),
Peter-"and the winner is" and then he pauses for a min points his finger right at me and says "pack your bags and leave"
A bit later in the meal I've added cottage cheese to his plate and he tries some together with the stew. After some contemplation on his part he says. "Kinda good, needs a little sugar, to make it more flavor" And then he proceeds to mix every part of the meal together including the bread with jelly on it with the cottage cheese and stew. He didn't like it the first try but gave it another shot.

I was highly amused by the whole thing. What can I say I think I've bore a food critic. Or he's just watched a lot of the food network. (and can get upset if you turn it off in the middle of some show with judges and winners.)

Give Me Jesus

There are times (like today) that I need to just sit and soak up this song. Just rest in the words and really think about what it means. Whatever happens, whatever I have or don't have, whatever I want; I have all I need in Jesus. He is more than enough for me.


In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone,
When I am alone,
When I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I come to die,
When I come to die,
When I come to die,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.

You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

I'm all grown up, now what should I do

I went to college with my major chosen and my career in mind; psychology and counselor (because I wanted to help people). But after taking a few psych courses, I remember thinking "how can they just leave God and religion out of the picture." It was all about dissecting and labeling the person, the disorder, the syndrome and nothing about the environment and culture that surrounded them. My second year in college I took a sociology class on social deviance. Between loving that class and the professor (who later became my advisor) and hating my psych stats class I switched from Psychology to Sociology. Sociology is awesome. In my mind its almost the opposite of why I hated my psych classes. Sociology studies culture and society and its affects on individuals. Religion, faith, belief in God has validity in sociology and I didn't feel that in psych. (A quick side note: I have no problem with Christians in psychology or any associated field. It just wasn't right for me in college.)

So after changing my major and giving up on my math minor I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Comparative Sociology. But before I did that I got married and had Peter. Well so now I had my career being a wife and mom. But then I had to get a job while Zack went to school. What kind of job do you get with a bachelors in Sociology?? (Still not sure about that one.)

I ended up at Corbis in data quality. I like data quality, have a small passion for it I would say, but is that really what I'm supposed to be doing? I have no doubt God meant me to be at Corbis or rather meant me to be friends with Debi, but I'm not sure if learning about data quality was an added benefit or part of the purpose of me being there. I was also in charge of a team of 7 people there and found fulfillment in leading and managing a team.

Well so now I'm working in a data quality job but instead of being excited about finding dirty data and cleaning it up I'm bored and miserable. If it weren't for my awesome boss and my loyalty to him I would have found a new job awhile ago or at least tried really hard. And the commute doesn't help.

So most of this reflection comes out of wanting a different job but having NO IDEA what kind of job I should look for or try to get. I've had several people say you should do want you really want to especially if you have a job and can look for the 'right' one. Well I do have dreams of what I would like to do but most of them aren't practical and the question always looms, would I really like that? Or more currently could I make enough money doing that? So here are some of my dreams...

I think it would be fun to teach people how to cook. Just simple but not dull meals. And in teaching them that I would convince them that eating dinner with their family at the table without the TV on is one of the best things they can do for their family.

I would love to have a working ranch close by where I could take in homeless people and give them purpose and a job to do. (by the way the theory that people are supposed to work and produce something is a Marxist theory although it originated with God)

Or I could help couples plan their wedding and make it less stressful and then decorate their cake for them.
Or be a potter who makes functional yet abstract ceramic ware.
Or someone who teaches abused women and children life skills and helps them make a new start.
Or become a doula.
A few more practical ideas I've had are massage therapist, hair stylist, cafe/coffee shop manager.

It'd be easier if I had just one or two ideas. What do I want to do? Well I want to help people. I guess thats one id...no its not an idea its an action or end result! I need the how, the who, and the doing what. If only I didn't have to be so practical!

where the spirit of the Lord is

there is freedom

Bad News

I didn't used to read, or listen to, or watch the news at all. It was too sad. Since I started working at The Seattle Times I've been reading the news a lot. It was fun to become more informed politically before the election. But now it seems all the news is bad. And I'm not talking about all of the lay offs. Yes thats bad but its not the end of a persons life. Now every day I open up seattletimes.com and look for the next tragedy. The day I read about the father in California who killed first his kids and wife and then himself, I thought, I can't do this anymore. I can't continue to read these stories about people's lives ending without it breaking my heart and making me cry. But I also realized something positive. When I hurt for someone I don't know the only thing I can do to help is to pray. I have made it a habit to pray for the people involved whenever I hear a ambulance. Now I want to make it a habit to pray for all the families and friends of the lost lives I read about in the news. I know that the death and crime rates are only going to get worse the longer the economy sinks. And when I think about that I wonder how many more lives will be taken knowing many of us have very little experience with death, especially of someone close to us. Instead of numbers and curves and patterns I want to make this economic downturn God's moment. He is the only one that can shine light in the darkest of places. He alone can lift us from the murky shadows of depression and hopelessness. We might lose our job, our house, our car, our child, our mom; but we will never loose Him because He is holding on to us. I want to take this moment and remember I have hope to share. Hope to share with those I know and prayer for those I only read about.

Honest talk

(Make sure you've read the previous post before you read this one.)

A few weeks ago I hit bottom. I will suffice it to say that it involved a moment, as I was walking to the bus stop, where I fully realized how anger riddled I really was. This was followed by a emotional, honest conversation with my husband. The outcome--my understanding and acknowledging that I absolutely had to deal with my anger. This was a big step.

The time between that night and this past week are a little foggy when it comes to how I was doing with the 'dealing with my anger' but I know that God was working on me.

I have been praying a lot this past week. I am starting to take charge of some prayer stuff at church and that has led me to pray more, (go figure). Bit my prayer life has been in a rut. I have been praying (not as often as I'd like) but it has had a wooden quality to it. I felt like I was praying the right things or in the right way but not connecting to God. (Yes that would be the big wall of anger.) A lot of it had to do with me not getting what I wanted, and firmly believing that what I wanted was biblically correct. So to make the point clear it seemed like I was angry at a few people and some circumstances but really I was angry at God. Please God forgive me for my sin for I have been angry at you and my life that you gave me.

So this week I have been reading a devotional called "15 minutes with God" or something like that, reading the associated scripture and praying. A good chunk of my prayers have been for my church Veritas and for our service tomorrow. I have been having conversations with a good friend about how we should pray, for what, how much...that sort of thing. And my response was pray. You can pray for what you think would be good to happen but for the most part pray for God's will to happen. Now I think this is fine to do but I had forgotten some of the other ways to pray. Then I had coffee with a wonderful friend on Tuesday. I'm not sure I can completely explain the next steps in my journey but I'll try.

I was sharing somethings that are close to my heart with her and she asked me a question. She said, "Do you ever just pray for what you want or do you always just pray for God's will to be done." and my response was, "me personally, do I pray for what I want?" And the answer was, I have in the past but not recently. God knows what I want but I think I was trying to keep it hidden.

So I did. On Thursday I poured my heart out to God. I told him what I wanted and I asked Him for what I wanted. And then I felt peace, not because I'd gotten what I wanted but because I'd told someone,I'd told God what I wanted. And then it was ok. I know He might say no, but I'm ok with that.

Nothing is magically better in my life and really not much has changed around me but I've changed. I've made a choice. I can be angry and bummed about my life. Or I can be thankful and content with my life. Now that I've told God what I want I've let it go. This is my life right here, right now and dang it I want to have fun.

So this is it. The day I'm starting afresh. Renewed in spirit and mind and heart. Making the choice; I'm gonna live my life.

catching up

Well so I have a lot to catch up on. I have a post I want to make but to put it into the proper perspective a little scene setting is needed. Warning the scene is not so pretty.

I haven't been too happy or joyful for a while now; just not happy with my life, wanting more but not exactly sure what or how to get it. And to be completely honest not just unhappy but angry. I don't like to be angry maybe nobody does, but its especially bad when I take my anger out on the people I love the most. That's call sin. And its still sin even when I'm tired or stressed or tired and stressed. No matter how I feel, taking my anger out on someone else (unless its righteous clearing the temple anger) is wrong and requires repentance and forgiveness.

Anger gets in the way of A LOT of things. The biggest thing it gets in the way of is my relationship with Jesus. It like when I'm angry and I want to get close to God I have rope him like I would a steer, only I don't have a horse to ride and I don't really know how to throw the rope. Not much gets through the anger, especially not my heart and soul.

Now a while back I posted about being thankful and I mentioned a song "Chicken Fried." Well tonight I went to see the Zac Brown Band and they sing that song. As I was at the concert some of the last pieces came together for me. Post concert at my computer is where the next post begins.