HOUSE

So those of you who know me know I don't really watch TV. However there is one show that I stayed up late 2 nights in a row watching. When Zack is watching CSI and I know I should be in bed about half of the time I can convince myself to go to bed. But not with HOUSE. I love House. I knew I should be in bed but not for a minute did I think about actually going to bed. House is on afterall and once I've seen the first 3 minutes I'm hooked. (unless of course I've seen the episode).

I know House is mean and rude and arrogant, but he has these moments where he is so compassionate and giving of himself. I am not sure what else draws me to him but he does. And I am a sucker for a saves the day kinda guy. And underdogs too. I think House could be considered an underdog.

Thankful

One night in the car as Peter and I were heading to small group we had a conversation about being thankful and what we were thankful for. Peter when asked what he was thankful has several times given thanks for body parts: toes, nose, foot. When adults are asked what they are thankful for I think we are conditioned to say certain things; house, job, family, etc. But sometimes we aren't thankful for those things we just know we should be. I'm thankful for coffee and for flexible hours at work so I can sleep in some mornings. I'm thankful for the rain, so that when the sun shines I think of God.

I want to be thankful more. Not thankful for things I 'should' be (although thats important) but thankful for the things that no one notices or that go unthanked. My husband leaving my lamp on when he goes to bed before me. My son wanting 1 last hug and kiss before I go out the door. I heard on the radio today that its the little things that matter--actually I think it might have been a sound that got me thinking. Check out "Chicken Fried" by Zac Brown Band.

And its true but what is also true for me is that I get so caught up in the big picture that I hardly ever enjoy the small things. They are just more details for me to remember or more things to go wrong.

And all of this, these and those....they are stealing my joy and dang it I want it back. But like most things in life I must fight for it. Fight against the worry and the stress. And I must focus on the present. I'm not sure where my dreams fit in all this because I do have dreams--big ones. But it can't be all about the dreams. Cause then I'm just a dreamer.

Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me."

I want to be someone who is sent (and goes) not a dreamer.

I love

• The feel of clean sheets the first night you sleep in them
• When Peter is so happy he jumps up and down
• Loading the dishwasher with as much dishes as I can and using the water saver setting--sooo much better than washing them myself
• How my husband makes breakfast almost every Saturday
• Our church family
• Crisp cool sunshine on an Autumn day
• The color purple
• Clean folded laundry
• Pictures of Peter

making a difference...

I want to make a difference. There is this desire in me to help people. To help them work through problems, to listen to them, to encourage them, to share in their pain. I've had this desire for a long time. When I went to college I started out in psychology so that I could be a counselor and help people. I ended up in data quality, where I find problems in the data and make it better. I fix things, I solve the puzzle as to why and how the data is being corrupted. Don't get me wrong this can be fun and satifying, but I want to be working with people not numbers.

I have multiple ideas for working with people but none of them seem realistic or doable.

At the end of the day when I look at the big picture I want to know that what I did made a difference...

in someone's life and in God's kingdom.

Things I've forgotten

I was walking to the bus stop this afternoon dog dead tired and I saw up ahead of me a stroller. I was thinking cool I'll get to see a cute baby/kid. As I was walking up I saw that the stroller was empty and then I recalled seeing the mom grabbing a blanket from her bag while I was still some distance away. It turns out the baby was hungry. Its been quite a while since I have heard the distintive sounds of a hungry baby happy to be getting fed. It was such a beautiful sound. I heard the wonders of life in less than thirty seconds. And not only did it make me smile with joy it made the rest of the walk to the bus stop easier.

Certainly

July 31^st 2008
Elizabeth Ann Reed

Certainly she said
And why not?
It’s not as if I shouldn’t,
It’s my life
And I’m writing my own story.

And since I’m writing it
You can be sure
Things will work out as they should

And for years she writes……

Certainly God said
You’ve tried to do it on your own
You’ve given it your best shot
But the problem is
I gave you your life
And I’ve already written your story

I’m certain you’re right God…

My life—its not my own:
It belongs to you
You who have carried me
Since I was born
You guided my heart in the storm
To the place where you knew
I would see you.
And then you brought the rain to an end,
But the sun was only shining on you
It was then that I knew
It was not only my life
That belonged to you.

Here is my heart Lord
And here is my soul
My body and my mind
I give them to you.
Show me how to follow you
Because certainly Lord—
I need you.

Certainly she said;
Lord I need you.

It's been awhile

Life's been just a wee bit busy since I started my new job. I've had the normal adjusting to a new job stuff. Plus one of our cars started dying and so I spent several evenings and weekends trying to fix it. All to no avail. So I've been riding a different bus to work and consequently working slightly different hours than I originally wanted to. It all boils down to the fact that I wasn't getting home until 5:30ish which just makes my evening really short. And that doesn't give me enough time to spend with Peter or my hubby or do any sort of stuff around the house which just leads to stress and an unhappy family. Now on to the good stuff.

Zack Peter and I went on vacation starting Jun 27th. First we went to Winnemucca NV for Zack's 10 year HS class reunion and he got to show me around his hometown and we went to his old church. Then we got back on the road and headed to the ranch. I got in to drive in Elko, NV at about 4ish I think and we arrived at the ranch 5:30 am the next morning me still driving. We made 1 stop in Salt Lake City to do some shopping and stretch our legs. We spent Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday at the ranch and then on Thursday we gathered up to go to the family cabin in the mountains. We had a great time in the mountains. I had forgotted how nice it was to be there. No electricity and no cell phone service and no running water. We had a camp fire that was cleverly created by my brother so that it wasn't an open fire. Then we went on walks and climbed rocks and had a picnic the next day.

It has been quite a while since I have been to the mountains for overnight and was in good enough shape to climb rocks without much problem (this is because I walk about a mile a day round trip to and from the bus). I got to show Zack the memorial rock we have up there for my sister. In that way it was a really hard trip to the mountains. I missed Erin a lot. She was my rock climbing partner and the person I've spent the most amount of time with in the mountains. Plus she loved them so much its still hard to cope with not ever being there with her again.

We left for home/washington on Saturday morning and on the way stopped to see my 'adopted' sister, husband and their new baby. All in all is was great to be able to take both Zack and Peter with me to the ranch in the summer and have my family all in one place.

Through all of this God continues to stretch me and teach me and above all love me and cover me with His grace. And as hard as life seems to be at times I can't imagine doing it without Him.

for His glory

gainfully employed

last wednesday I found a job opening at 'The Seattle Times.' I was so excited when I read the job description because it sounded almost perfect. I had been job searching online for about a month and had found only 1 other job that was 'data qualityesque.' This was when I didn't have my resume updated yet and couldn't apply. I spent almost all day Thursday (no kidding) writing a cover letter to apply for this job. My future supervisor called me on Friday (one day later) excited about my resume and experience. I was even more excited then he to get an interview and have some be excited about my resume. I went to the job interview on Monday...thought it went ok but I wasn't super great. Applied for another job through my staffing agency on tuesday and they were interested in me also but the job was in Bellevue which is a nasty commute and my vacation plans didn't mesh with the owners vacation plans.

I had sent my future supervisor a thank you email on tuesday night. He was waiting to hear back from my references on thursday morning. On thursday morning my staffing agency called me again...and this time she had a job she would have just given me, no interview but I was waiting on The Times. Brian (my future supervisor) called me at 12:45 today saying they thought I was a good fit for the job and if I was still interested they'd like to make an offer. Hallelujah Praise God I was so excited and ran through the apartment jumping and screaming. I quickly got ready to go to Seattle. Brian told me some more stuff showed me what they could pay me...asked me if I needed to think about it...I didn't. So I said yes and then we went to see the recruiter to get info about my drug/urine test. So I left Seattle to head to Auburn to make a 'donation.'

If you've never had to take a drug test for employment you should its an experience. When you sign the paper that basically says its your pee and not anything else you have to sign on a line that say 'donor.' I'm so glad I got the chance to donate some urine?

Anyway I am very excited (although i'm too tired to jump....I think i might just fall into bed at this point) so thanks for all your prayers for my job. My start date will be Monday so long as all the paper work has time to go through. My job title is Marketing Database Data Clerk Woohoo!

5 Years and learning to surrender

Zack and I will celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary on Sunday. I've been thinking on it for awhile. Its amazing to me all that has happened in those 5 years and how quickly the time has gone by. When I got married I had a vision or what I thought was a vision for Zack and I's life. Our life certainly does not look like what I pictured. I'm glad it doesn't. If everything we planned or pictured happened exactly that way how boring life would be and how little we would learn.

Much of what I have learned can't be described, but one thing God has been constantly teaching me is what trusting Him means. Trusting God is in very few ways easy for me (as I'm sure is the case with most everyone). Some use the phrase 'trust God' as a single statement that covers everything. But lately I've been realizing that trusting God is very similar to surrendering to Him; in fact, I think if you surrender everything/every part of you to Him then you trust Him. I've surrendered myself to Him many times in many ways and have to continue to do so daily. After my sister died I had to learn to surrender the rest of my family to Him and trust that He knows best. After we had Peter I had to learn to surrender Peter and entrust Peter to God. It has just been fairly recently that I've learned how to surrender and surrender completely my marriage to Him and surrender my 'plans' for my family to God. I have to trust that God has a plan not only for my life but for Zack and I as a couple and for us as a family. And I have to trust that that plan is a good one; meaning it will bring Him glory even when I can't imagine my life at the moment being glorious to anyone let alone the Creator of the universe.

Only when I trust that God is working in my life, that He has a plan and is fulfilling that plan can I be content where I am at. I have to surrender my ideas and everything else to the One who knows all and who loves me and my family more than I can imagine.

My prayer is that as I continue to live my life that I would remember how beautiful my Lord really is and how today I stand in awe of Him for all that He is and all that He has done.

Job searching...

Not fun. Job searching is not fun at all. Repeat this twice.

Something else that's not fun: last night Peter said, "My throat hurts, its gonna pop out, its gonna pop out." I finally translated that into....I'm going to throw-up. I was holding him on my lap reading a book and got up and carried him to the bathroom book and all. We made it to the bathroom in time although I still had a huge mess to cleanup....suffice it to say whole toilet and surrounding area is now sparkling clean.

Ex-Employee

So the story begins 3 or so months ago when I learned that the project my team at Un-named Company was working on was ending/changing sooner then planned...and that it was over budget. My whole Data Quality (DQ) team (me included) were covered under this budget. So there was a few tense weeks as they decided what to do with the DQ team. They finally decided to keep us around as long as originally planned (Jun 1st). Now for a little background I was hired as a DQ temp before the project but I was moved to the project when DQ was eliminated from the business side of things...not that any of that really matters anymore.

Last Thursday I got a phone call from my supervisor and when I got to her office our HR person was also there...but I was a little slow and it took a min or so for me to get that I was losing my job. And after that, I had to go round up my team so they could be told too. Needless to say it was a shock to me. Data Quality or at least some of my job functions are necessary for the business so I never really thought they would get rid of DQ complete (read get rid of me). My team's last day was thursday. I went back on Friday to try and leave DQ in as good a place as I could so the next person could pick it up whenever they bring Data Quality back and whoever fills in in the mean time.

Some things I've learned through working for Un-named Company and leaving Un-named Company:
I love Data Quality
I'm a data geek
I'm capable of more than I thought I was
I can manage a team of people
I can have a professional relationship with people that are completely different from me
Working moms are still moms

Some things that I've re-learned while working at unsaid company
God is in control
Being joyful is a choice
Trusting God is a daily and sometimes hourly choice
Putting people in boxes is usually only helpful for the first 5 mins that you meet them

Purpose Driven Life

Zack and I are in a small group at church and we are reading the book "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I'll admit that I thought my life was headed in the right direction but it turns out I still have A LOT to learn in the department. Warren asks some really good questions, but he does it in a way that I haven't gotten use to yet...meaning that its not written in the way I thought it would be. It doesn't appeal to my emotions; in fact it doesn't really appeal at all it just lays down the facts as given by God in the bible. We started reading the book 2 weeks ago tomorrow perfect timing I'd say as you'll see in my next post.

More posts to come on Purpose Driven

Born to be a drummer

I'm back on a worship team
Playing my drum--a djembe (jim-bay),
Its easy to forget
How much I like being on a worship team.
I don't think its so much that I love to perform,
Because I don't like to be up on stage...
With people watching me.
But as with any human
I love to hear "that was great" or
"Thanks for playing; it sounded good"

And lately I've been thinking
(I'm) Born to be a drummer
And then this morning
I realized what I really meant
The reason I love being on a worship team so much
Why when I play
I feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do
Because I truly was--
My purpose, my reason for being
Is to worship God
Its not that I was born to be a drummer
Although I may have natural talent
God created me and
I was meant to worship Him

So thank you Lord for
Making me a drummer
For giving me the privilege
of worshiping You
May all I do
Truly praise You

EAR

"The Sacred Romance"

I've just started reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. The first thing they talk about is the lost life of our hearts. I'm only a chapter and a half in and already I feel like its something I've needed. I have this thing in me that wants more. I'm not sure what more looks like but I want more. I have some ideas of what I think more looks like but I'm fairly certain it is a small dream coming from my small perspective and I am waiting to see what God has in store. At the same time I know I need to be content here where I am at. Its hard though.

One of the things I'm realizing is how lonely I am. And I feel like I've had these moments where I've had potential friendship in my hands and then its gone with nothing I can do about it. And all I can think is that God keeps stripping things from me in order that I might see Him more clearly. I am on this long journey, but the road I'm walking on is muddy and my feet get stuck and I have to pause and use all my energy to pull myself out. I want to run to the finish line but there is so much to slow me down. I try to think and analyze the thoughts in my head; who is that talking? Is that me or my foolish pride or the Holy Spirit or my parents. Who is that talking? And I feel like if only I could figure it out. If only I could discern God's voice from the rest. Then maybe I wouldn't be stuck in the mud or going in circles or whatever else I'm doing. At this point the road is muddy and its rough, but I have hope. I know that God will finish what He started. That so long as I keep my head and heart looking in the right direction I'll get where I'm headed. He will be my guide and I will be his child.

Vacation

Peter and I just got back Monday night from a week long vacation at my parents ranch in Wyoming. It was really great. I have not been to the ranch for that long in quite a while. We didn't have an agenda it was just time to spend with my family. The only thing missing was my husband. One of the highlights of the trip was holding and playing with my niece Hannah. She is adorable. It took her a while to warm up to me. Papa, Hannah, Peter and I were all in the feed pickup and Hannah really wanted to sit on Papa's lap. Papa was driving so there was no room for her. She finally decided my lap would do and I got to hold her :) I always knew I wanted a baby girl but never so much as when I'm around her. I know how close I am to my mom and how much fun I have with Mom that I crave a similar mother daughter relationship. I really hope that my brother and sister-in-law (and Hannah of course) can come visit us in WA soon. My sister-in-law and hubby get along well and my relationship with my brother continues to get better and better each time we get to spend time together. All in all it was a really great vacation, and a much needed one at that. I left super stressed, mostly about work and came back relaxed.

The only bad part was Peter and I's drive back to WA. My uncle gave us a car and so Peter and I took off Saturday morning planning on being in WA on Sunday night. We spent Saturday night in Missoula, Mt and after buying new windshield wipers we started out great the next day. We had only gone about 75 miles when the traffic going over the pass got slower and slower until it stopped completely. The roads were pretty slick and at least 1 semi had gotten stuck; one semi was sideways across the whole interstate. The traffic ended up being backed up about 20 miles for 5+ hours. Needless to say it was a long day and we only managed to make it about 100 miles the whole day. Everyone finally got unstuck and the traffic started moving but it wasn't long after that when I gave up on the bad roads and snow and found a McDonalds and a motel room. Added into all this were 3 tires that kinda needed replaced and 1 with very little traction left. I got stuff in the middle of the street in Kellogg MT twice. (I bought 2 need tires the next morning before I got back on the road). We finally arrived home late Monday afternoon. Peter is a super traveler. He did fantastic up until mid-day Monday but after 2 and a half days in the car I couldn't blame him for a little crabbiness.

Hooray for Friday's, praise the Lord for Saturdays and thank you Jesus for giving us a day of rest.

"Parenting by the Book"

I'm reading a book called "Parenting by the Book" by John Rosemond 'the book' meaning the Bible. It is really good, although I must admit that this is probably the first parenting book that I've started reading and honestly think I will finish it. It talks about how starting in the 50s or so the place to go to for advice changed. So instead of asking 'Grandma' you asked a Psychologist or as Rosemond calls them, people with letters behind their name. It goes on to talk about the theories of postmodern psychology and what he calls PPP Postmodern Psychological Parenting. What has stood out the most to me so far is his discussion on high self-esteem. The most popular theory currently (at least in the US) is that you need to make sure your kids have high self-esteem (HSE). So now the goal is HSE; it used to be to raise a good citizen. What this means that instead of spending time teaching your child good manners at a very early age, we are trying to make sure our kids know their letters and colors and numbers as soon as possible. We want them to have a head start in kindergarten. They need to be good at something in order to succeed and feel good about themselves. Instead of kids coming home from school and doing chores for the family they are involved in a multitude of after school activities. Mostly with the idea to teach them skills, make them feel good about themselves and to excel at something. Rosemond breaks down HSE esteem a synonym for worship basically worshiping one's self highly. I can think of a lot of words that description brings to mind and none of them are positive. We need self-respect not self-esteem. HSE makes us think we deserve a lot of stuff, after all we are super important and from the time we were little people (parents) have been bending over backwards to make sure we are happy and successful. The affects of HSE can be seen just about everywhere you are around people of my generation. We don't think we have to work very hard, we deserve a good paying job with a nice and laid back boss.

So while 'Grandma' is teaching her children good manners and how to help around the house, the PPP parents are buying their toddlers all sorts of teaching toys and then every after school activity they can. 'Grandma' teaches 3 things Respect, Responsibility and Resourcefulness. Now say you are a teacher or a manager looking for a team member would you choose the kid of average intelligence, that respects your authority, is a good worker and resourceful or would you choose the genius who has won several awards in your field but has a bad attitude (remember this will probably make him late for work half of the time).

Through all of these I've come to realize how wonderful my parents are. They did an amazing job of teaching me the 3 R's Respect (for everyone), Responsibility, and Resourcefulness. It also makes me realize that I too have fallen prey to the PPP. I have gauged my worth as a parent on the skills of my child, I've been proud when people think Peter's adorable and felt like a bad parent when he misbehaves in the grocery store.

Now I have to act and really the first thing to do is realize that parenting is a equally joint task and before making important or even not so important decisions about Peter and discipline and such I need to remember Zack and i are in this together and only together can we be the best parents we can be.

Secondly how do I pass on these 3 R's to Peter.

Thirdly how to I share these ideas with other parents and parents-to-be and caretakers and and and the list goes on.

And now I must go to bed as my eyes are beginning to blur and my eye lids to droop.
I'm out